Sunday, November 15, 2009

Fuck Jones The Cat

There's a killer Alien lose in your cargo ship, and you're worried about finding the damn cat?

Not once, but twice a crew member ill-advisedly embarks on a solo mission to find Jonesy the cat. The first attempt results in the death of The Prophet, Roman Grant


here kitty kitty kitt...DEATH!
A few deaths later, the remaining members of the crew decide it's time to get the hell out of dodge. Following the rules of horror film playbook, they decide to split up again. It's Ripley's job to ready the escape ship, -which she does marvelously- while the others prepare explosives to destroy the ship and the Alien within it.

After completing her task, you figure it would be a good time for Ripley to check in with the remaining members of the crew. You're being hunted by an aggressive Alien, so you want to keep lines of communication opened right? Nope! She hears the damn cat, and decides the best move in this situation would be to find it.

While Ripley is playing hide and seek with Jonesy, Lt. Al Giardello and the crybaby meet up with you know who.


DEATH!

Of course in the end only Ripley and that damn cat survive. Jonesy even gets his own sleep chamber. Off they go, drifting through space until they are awakened by James Cameron, 7 years later.

I haven't watched the sequel in a few years, but doesn't Paul Reiser tie a ring of sausages around his neck, to use him as Alien bait?

No?

That's a shame, because that would have been awesome.

That damn cat.

2 comments:

MF said...

Best Allthings post ever.

If it was a dog i could understand their concern, but, frankly, an evil beast like Jones was potentially more dangerous than the alien.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you both. I'd love to see a dirty fucking mutt get ripped to shreds by an alien. Jonsey rules.